I actually wanted to expand on something I said there, but wasn’t immediately relevant to the post. I mentioned that writing is my calling, and for me that’s been very true. I’d told stories from a very young age, but it wasn’t until I was eight and started writing more frequently that I realized it was what I wanted to do with my life. Being a kid and all, I sure as hell had plenty of other things I wanted to do — primarily, veterinarian or nurse. But that one thing always stayed with me: Writing.

Several years ago at this point (wow… it’s hard to believe that much time has passed), when my Dad and I were butting heads because I wanted to leave college and he wanted me to be an English professor, I wrote him a letter explaining my plans — and how I felt about writing. Something I said in the letter:

Ultimately, I have to follow God’s will. I have to follow what feels right. This is not new. This is not some harebrained plan I just thought up. This is something I’ve wanted since I was eight years old. It’s a calling, just the same as a shaman is called. Some people have worked damn hard at crushing my dream, and they nearly managed to. [Former writing group] restored that, and I’ll be forever grateful to them for that. I can do this. I have a confidence in myself and my abilities that I never had before.

This isn’t just a hobby. This isn’t even just a career. This is me.

Certainly, a lot has changed since I wrote that letter. Obviously, I’m not Christian anymore, and I’m no longer at my former writers’ group. While I am still grateful for everything they did to help me, the circumstances under which I left were… not pleasant, to say the least.

But my feelings toward writing haven’t changed. I still view it as a deep calling. I’ve dealt with so many doubts since I wrote that letter … I’ve had so many people nearly convince me that I shouldn’t waste my time; that I should go back to school and get a “real” job … I’ve looked at other things so many times, but nothing calls to me like this. There are other things I could do well, but they would be so intensive that I wouldn’t have much of a life. (Of course, the whole fibro issue complicates things.)

Recently, I’ve been back to wondering if it’s the right thing — maybe I really am wasting my time here — maybe –

Then I think back to my accomplishments over the past year alone. I’m finally making serious progress. I need to learn how to work with stress better than I have been, but … this is what I’m meant to do. And I can’t go letting some stupid stuffy Inner Dickwad keep beating me down.

Now that I’ve gone baring myself here how do you feel about writing? Am I the only one who feels so deeply drawn to the field, to the point I can’t ever see myself doing something else? What about you?

What Miss Snark said about mine: “This is unfocused and a recitation of events. Use the XYZ to get the important factors on the page, then start over.”

I appreciate the time and effort Miss Snark has taken to run the Crap-o-meter and comment on everything, but I’m not sure how useful this has been for me. I haven’t read all of the hooks, but there have been others she’s said were unfocused and unsuitable that bear a striking similarity in structure to “winning” queries posted by other authors and agents–ones specialising in romance, fantasy, or other genre fiction.

The “hooks” that she’s liked (that I’ve seen) … I was not at all impressed by, and probably would not have given a second look. But, then, I don’t like the vast majority of literary mainstream fiction. I find it boring.

I’m not sure what to take away from this. I’ve had the query critted by several different people, who have liked it. It seems to be in line with what I’ve seen on SF/F blogs and such. I think I’m going to chalk this one up more to taste… and that’s not a bad thing.

But I think it’s something important to keep in mind. One person’s trash is another’s treasure and all that.

Why?

Cause I’ve been reading. A lot. Well, for me.

See, when I’m writing, I read, but it’s liable to take me a week or so to finish a book. Maybe longer, unless it’s something that really grabs me — I read J.R. Ward’s Dark Lover and Lover Eternal in only a couple days. (And as soon as Lover Awakened hits print, well, I’m away from the computer till I finish it. )

I’m not sure why that is, but it’s been the case ever since I started writing “seriously” four years ago. Except back then, I used to hardly read at all because I couldn’t turn my Inner Critiquer off. (It’s a lot easier to do now, thankfully.)

I’ve read two books in the past three days (On Fire’s Wings by Christie Golden and Awaken, My Love by Robin Schone, both of which are very good) and I just started another. Technically, it’s three books; it’s an omnibus of Susan Sizemore’s vampire “trilogy.” (I read the first book in it, I Burn For You, which some of you may remember as the “one minute man book.” LOL.)

I should be writing… but I wanna curl up with my books and read!

So I sat down yesterday and decided to come up with them. Trying to come up with titles is a royal pain in the ass. I ended up looking at song lyrics and titles for inspiration — a lot of the gothic music I listen to has very complex, poetic lyrics, so I thought it might help. And it did — to the point I got more than one title out of it.

A Passion Draconic
This will be the new title for Resurrection. I think it fits, because the hero is a dragon shapeshifter. It doesn’t much describe the heroine, but I don’t think I can without having an overly complicated title.

A Caress Vampiric
This book takes place in the same setting — kind of. It’s about the son of a vampire who discovers he is a necromancer and ends up crossing over to the world of A Passion Draconic. I’m actually revamping this one from game notes from a game I GM’d — all the characters and worldbuilding are mine; I just need to excise some of the stuff the other player added that I don’t want to use.

A Kiss Serpentine
I have no idea what the plot for this is going to be, but I’d intended to do something with the serpent shapeshifters, so …

Deceived by Twilight
This will be the title for ArielleWIP. I didn’t want anything overly “romance”y for a title. My first two thoughts were The Assassin’s Embrace and Kiss the Blade, but I think this works better for what the story is.

Beyond the Veil
The title for the second Arielle & Jackson novella, if I should write it. I’m thinking that one will deal with the portal reopening and Jackson’s past coming back to hit them both in the face.

How do you come up with your titles? Any new and interesting ones you want to share?

Thing is, I’m feeling very … weird about it. I’m not blocked or depressed or anything, but — this is something I’ve never done before. Yeah. Really.

Looking back, I used to participate in writing challenges at a community where chapters only counted if they were 1000 words. For some reason, I’d gotten into the habit of writing one scene per chapter, and I didn’t break that. Ever. Part of it is I’m obsessive compulsive — I want symmetry, dammit. I don’t notice lack of it in other work, but in mine, I want the same number of scenes per chapter, all the way through.

I don’t think it was ever a conscious decision, though. Just something I started doing and resisted heavily every time someone suggested a different tactic.

But … I’m really liking how this chapter is coming along. Cassandra, my heroine, is going out to be social at a goth club, and Alex is trailing her to try to lure her away and kill her. Except it goes a bit differently than both of them plan.

It’s also coming out a bit longer than most of my scenes because of that, I think. 1500 words and I know I have at least another 500 to go.

So now I’m wondering if I don’t need to go back and fiddle with the POV on the rest of the earlier chapters … I dunno. I’ll save that for when I go over it again. Last thing I need is to get perfectionistic again.

I guess an ol’ bitch like me really can learn, after all.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

I’ve seen this elsewhere around writing fora, loops, and journals/blogs. Many writers assume that writing “well” is the most important factor in selling a short story or novel. These are often the same people who ask “How are Terry Brooks / Robert Jordan / Dan Brown / etc. best-selling authors? They can’t write for crap! They break all the ‘rules!’”

(Trust me. I’ve heard it. I didn’t understand, either, several years ago.)

The key here is story. An author doesn’t hit the NYT if the story sucks rocks. It might not be to some people’s tastes, but that’s going to be true of about anything, because personal likes and dislikes are subjective. Bestsellers have some quality in the story that captivates readers, otherwise they wouldn’t read it. (Outside of the controversy factor, that is, but I doubt that controversy alone can make a bestseller.)

I’ve been in critique / writing groups for several years now, and I have seen a lot of stories and novels that are technically perfect. The writing shines. But the story itself is often standard, predictable … “safe.”

This attitude is often encouraged in various sorts of writer’s groups. I’ve received far too many critiques from multiple different sources where the critiquer focused on the writing but ignored the big picture. I know other people who have received the same. Romance writers have talked about receiving crits from contests that focus primarily on writing “perfection” without looking at the story. Perhaps the intention isn’t to encourage people to focus on the writing first, but it’s often the way it comes across.

This isn’t to say that good writing isn’t important. If your writing sucks like a cheap whore who can’t figure out which end to blow, an agent or editor likely won’t make it past your query letter, much less take you on. (And by this, I mean truly horrid prose. If you’ve ever critiqued a beginning writer’s first novel or short story, you know exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about.) Writing is important, too.

But. It’s a lot easier to fix a novel that has passable writing than it is to fix a story that’s at heart “ho-hum.” Line edits are a piece of cake. Rewriting the entire book because it’s competant but not good enough? Not easy. (I’m in the middle of it myself.)

Yes, it’s a delicate balance. But I don’t think it’s impossible. The Internet is an immensely useful tool for writers to commune and help each other along — but the “downside” to this is that there are more competant writers than there used to be. At one point, it was good enough to be “competant.” It isn’t anymore. You need to be good — and by that, I’m not talking about the technicalities of writing alone, but the quality of the story you’re telling. Though how to tell a story that’s unique and different while still being marketable is another matter entirely…

Is it tougher for writers to get published nowadays than it used to be? I think so, though I couldn’t say for certain. I know there are some writers who get upset and worried about the competition, wondering whether or not they can “make it.” Me? I see it as a challenge.

What do you think? Are the expectations / standards for new writers unreasonable (as some people seem to think), or is it par for the course? Do you find it depressing — or just another obstacle to overcome?

*sigh*

I guess that settles that. I’d hoped to submit Stronger there when the revision is completed, but even though I don’t believe the hero’s bisexuality would be an issue, Stronger is the beginning of a stand-alone series. The heroine of the second book is a lesbian. (Or realises she is over the course of the story.)

I feel like I’m the only person who has this “problem.” Yes, the romantic plot is paramount enough to count as romance, but I need to consider the series arc, not just the first book. Which is, to be truthful, annoying — but I suppose it’s a good thing, because it definitely shows I’m not just a one-book author.

In regards to the series arc … well, I suppose it could fly as dark urban fantasy, even though the romantic plots are very integral to the external. Maybe I’m worrying too much.

I have to say, though, I’m somewhat disappointed to hear this about Tor Paranormals. Not just for myself, but because I was looking forward to being able to find non-traditional romances outside of ebooks or trade size print books put out by epublishers. (Which, honestly, I can’t buy on impulse due to the cost.) While I understand and respect their reasons for choosing not to pursue this — as they’re certainly valid — speaking as a reader, I’m disappointed.

In actuality, I know I’m not. Sunday, I got a chapter of Resurrection and a chapter of Stronger edited, and I took Monday off. (Much to the workaholic Muse’s dismay.)

The medical shebang continues. I haven’t had any problems with any of the medical staff at the Cambridge Hospital, but in order to get there, I have to catch the train, take the subway from South Station to Central Square, and then take a bus to Inman Square, where I walk about two or three blocks to the hospital. The commute is just … draining.

On the bright side, I did get some plot notes written out for ValkyrieWIP. I figured out the major reason I was having trouble plotting. The original story was mainly about the Valkyrie Svava, but the expansion should be about the romance between Svav/a (who is transsexual) and George, a mortal man that zhe sacrifices hir immortality for.

It’s going to be interesting to write, because I want to cover after they’ve “gotten together.” The beginning of the relationship isn’t the end of the story, it’s only the beginning.

But I digress. The problem is that while I have Svav/a fairly well characterised, I don’t know as much about George. Not good, since he’s the romantic interest. So I figure I’ll do a character bio here and get into his head.

The other thing I’m concerned about is that it might end up longer than I want … sigh. I also have to do some more research because I want there to be a conflict with the immortals. (Shut up, Loki.)

Overall, I’m really excited about this.

I haven’t managed to get quite as much done as I’d wanted, but it’s been a hellish week.

Morgan was feeling social on Wednesday, so we went out to see X3 with a friend of his. I liked the movie a lot, but I was very disappointed with how they handled Phoenix. I remember watching the animated X-Men series on TV when I was a kid, and there was a lot more conflict and exploration of Phoenix’s character in that then the movie. Which is sad in a way, cause you expect more of a teen/adult movie than from Saturday morning kiddie cartoons. Well worth seeing, despite that, though.

That was the fun bit. The not so fun bit:

I’ve had a sinus headache from hell all week. Literally. It was bad enough that I thought it was a migraine — because I mostly the same symptoms — but meds did pretty much nothing for it. The stuff I normally take for sinus problems didn’t help, either.

Yesterday, I had to go up to Boston to let the vampires collect their vials of blood. I’m seeing an endocrinologist for (extremely) elevated testosterone levels and have to go back again today, after taking an adrenal suppressant, and then again on the 6th for an ultrasound. Then back on the 8th for a follow-up with my doctor. Sometime this month, I also have to see a gyn. I’m on doctor overload here. On the bright side, I haven’t seen anyone who hasn’t been pleasant to deal with yet. (I’m a nurse’s daughter… I was trained from very young not to put up with doctorial bullshit. LOL.)

Boston + forecast of rain + sinus headache = da ebil.

It was bad enough I picked up a box of claritin yesterday — or rather, walgreen’s generic brand, because the price for the brand label is fucking ridiculous — thinking that if it was caused by an allergy of some sort (pollen?), it might help.

Heh. Heh. Heh.

It started my sinuses draining, which increased the headache by a good three times. So. Not. Fun. Add to that, the 85 degree heat (it felt like at least 90, but it was so damned muggy) really hit me hard. Unfortunately, since developing the fibromyalgia, I don’t have the heat tolerance I used to.

I got back to South Station and took the train back home. For once, the train was well air-conditioned, but the shock of going from 85+ heat to something in the high 60s = not good. I was extremely nauseated by that point. Morgan picked me up, we went back home, I got another shock from the heat to cold and lost my lunch.

I pretty much crashed in bed for several hours, and when I woke up, I still had the headache. >_<

Then I remembered the bath salts I have that are frickin loaded with eucalyptus. Grabbed the bottle, opened it, took a big whiff, about fell over as the eucalyptus started burning out my sinuses. Okay, not really, but that's what it felt like. Got rid of the headache, though, and don't have one this morning, which is, like, YAY.

Writing-wise, I've only managed to revise a couple chapters of Resurrection and write the synopsis. The syno was not as good as I’d want it, but with the headache, I didn’t have the time or concentration to get it the way I want. So I let the male look over it, gave everything a final pass myself, and sent it off right before the contest deadline. Whee!

It’s kinda weird, because, for all that I’ve been writing and submitting this many years, I’ve never submitted a novel before. It’s like … woah. This could really sell. (At least, I hope!)

It’s an … intimidating sort of feeling, in a way. It’s odd, because most unpubbed writers talk about how much they want to be published and how they fear rejection. I don’t fear rejection — never have, really. Even when I was fourteen and fifteen, I had a professional attitude; if it didn’t sell, then I’d just keep shopping it around till it did. (Nowadays, I’m not surprised that none of it did, because it sucked ass, but it was the best I could do at the time, and I was proud of it.)

It’s not rejection I fear. It’s success. I’m not entirely sure why that is, because it seems to be the antithesis of the rest of the writing community. Then again, maybe more people fear it, too, and use rejection as a foil — both from themselves and from the rest of the world.

I dunno. But I’ve got to run here … I’ll probably write more about that later, though.

Of course, now I’m thinking: Hmm. I could submit Res …

The due-date? June 1st.

The first two chapters are polished. I just need to go over the third and write a — *gulp* — synopsis. (Gods, I hate those.)

And I need to come up with a better title — Resurrection was only a working title. But that’s not entirely necessary, I don’t think. At least not right now.